Currently, it is time to recognize child-to-parent violence as an important problem of our society. However, despite accompanying us with all its weight, it is a reality that appears to be invisible, and that perhaps is not so simple to recognize compared to other types of violence.
Although more than 4,000 files are opened as a result of this crime, it is considered that only the most serious cases are being reported, probably between 10 and 15 % of the real total, and every year, this figure continues to increase. Therefore, it is necessary to know how to recognize and act in the face of this phenomenon, either to prevent it, or at least to make it visible. strong>.
What is child-parent violence?
We can define child-parent violence as the set of violent behaviors, whether physical, psychological (verbal or non-verbal) or economic, which occur from the children to their parents or to those people who occupy their place strong>. It is also a variant of domestic violence. To fall within this consideration, behaviors must occur repeatedly and consciously.
That is, this definition excludes:
- Specific violent behavior.
- Those that occur in states of decreased consciousness.
- Behaviors caused by some type of psychological alteration.
- Patricide with no history of previous aggression.
Furthermore, it is a multifactorial problem that is more common among young people between the ages of 13 and 17. It must be emphasized that child-to-parent violence > does not need to achieve the intended physical and/or psychological harm to occur: simply causing harm and suffering to the parents can already be considered abuse .
Why is this type of violence so serious?
In this situation, we must emphasize that child-parent violence is not a phenomenon that can be resolved within a private sphere. In the most serious cases, violence perpetrated by children can affect their social integration and lead to school and work problems. and in general, when it comes to relationships.
Nor does it make the situation any easier that the victims (the parents) do not usually feel threatened nor do they deal with diagnosable consequences in many of the cases. cases.
Development of child-parent violence
child-parent violence has a progressive development, which generally begins with verbal aggression, such as lies or > insults, and ends up becoming more serious through threats to physical attacks.
The objective of this type of violence is mainly to exercise control and have a feeling of power over the parents, but it cannot be ruled out that there is a specific intentionality.
The situations that occur in child-parent violence tend to follow a cyclical model that is characterized by a series of phases. /strong>:
- Accumulation of tension: occurs due to confrontations between both parties. Normally, since there are no factors that relax this tension, it tends to increase. In this phase, the parents appear soft and conciliatory, and the child, confusing this with submission , begins to demand excessively, trying to undermine the authority of his parents. Given this, they change their attitude to a hostile and severe one.
- Explosion: in this phase, uncontrolled violence arises. The son/daughter increases the intensity, frequency and violence of her attacks. At this point, one can also respond with violence tostimulation from other family members. The parents become paralyzed and accept the loss of their authority. Thus, the son/daughter “wins.”
- Repentance: after the discharge, a false repentance occurs that usually coincides with the beginning of the first phase strong>, and the whole process is repeated again.
After repeating this cycle on several occasions, the parents become conditioned and lose control of the situation. Other times, tension ends up leading to domestic violence.
Indications of the problem
As we explained, this is a phenomenon that starts and progressively worsens. Small acts of serious disobedience or challenges can be a relevant signal when preventing subsequent behavior.
Among these acts, anywhere in the process, we can find:
- Insults, humiliation and lies.
- Hitting objects, generally in the home (doors, tables, etc.).
- Loss of authority or respect towards parents.
- Emotional blackmail and visible reduction of affection.
Possible causes of child-parent violence
Based on several studies, it has been deduced that the majority of minor children who behave violently towards their parents have suffered other situations of family violence. /strong> Another important factor for the appearance of this type of behavior is the lack of limits, supervision and control, added to the loss of authority on the part of the parents.
What is the solution?
If we want to solve the problem, we must avoid searching for culprits. The ideal is to try to ensure that all the people who are involved find their responsibility in the matter, and that they are willing to help< /strong> in search of a good solution.
A series of steps that we will have to face, for example, will be:
- Reflect about the situations that occurred and the reactions that each person involved may have.
- Work on empathy and negotiation with the aim of regaining trust and rebuilding (or, in certain cases, building) the family emotional bond.< /strong>
Eye! This does not mean that the process is easy. Precisely for this reason, patience on both sides is essential, and recognition and the intention to carry out resolution actions. strong>.
What do I do if my child starts to behave badly with me?
- Reflect about our behavior: we must not forget that parents are the reference models for their children. li>
- Try to open up and talk about the emotional state of both parties. Here, empathy is essential.
- Maintain an attitude of unconditional love, but without forgetting to impose limits on the minor’s behavior.
- In addition to the limits, make it clear that there are a series ofconsequences to their actions.
- Propose small progressive goals that make the child change and feel rewarded at the same time. li>
If you have the feeling that you are not moving forward, or if you are worried about how the situation may develop in the future, it is important to know that you can ask for professional help. Contact us without obligation.
