The couple, like almost everything we know, transforms over time, and a series of changes occur in the couple. We must keep in mind that the feeling of love that we experience at the beginning of a relationship is not the same as when we have been living with that person for a while, and that’s okay. Love goes from a wild and thoughtless emotion to a construction of two or more people that is based on trust and honey.

Of course, this construction depends in equal part on the people involved, and, furthermore, on the individual work of each one.

What are some of these changes in the couple?

Love transforms according to the stages of life, the crises we go through and even the different situations we have experienced with our partner. . However, some of the most common changes in the couple are:

• Encourage each other to have an individual life, apart from the relationship itself: the members of a couple who have been together for a long time are prioritizing their independence until they achieve a balance in time for themselves and their partner.
• Learn to communicate better: As they get to know their partner, people begin to understand what are the best ways to communicate and empathize with them. For example, when one member of a couple needs time alone after an argument, but the other feels that he needs to finish talking things over, where an agreement is reached and one also learns to argue in a healthy way.
• Seek (and find) new ways to keep the “spark” alive: perhaps something that everyone considers a challenge, the dreaded routine that takes over our lives. lives. The way forward is to find new ways to surprise our partner.
• Inquire about the other person: as time goes by, couples tend to want to become more intimate, to know everything that exists and that is changing about the other. And this, precisely, allows us to connect on a much deeper level, establishing solid foundations for our relationships.
• Needs change and people grow: although it may be counterintuitive, the changes that occur in one (or all) of the members of the couple, which are intended for development and personal satisfaction, have a very positive impact on the relationship.
• Setting goals and facing them as a team: There is a lot of talk about couples as a team, and in reality, it is a very accurate term. Both in individual goals and shared, all members of the couple have to support and help each other to achieve their goals.

Phases of the couple

In general, three main phases are recognized in relationships. It is true that there are other classifications, but perhaps this is the one that most people can empathize with.

Falling in love

It is the best known, since it is the one shown in audiovisual media and in books.

It has several easily recognizable characteristics:

• Praise the other person and their positive traits.
• Passion.
• State of euphoria.

Romantic Love

Although we maintain the passion, love is no longer blind, since the couple begins to know and understand each other better. It is where the first discussions begin and where the couple’s capacity for acceptance and conflict resolution is seen.

Likewise, it is where both decide whether or not the differences are incompatible with a relationship.

Mature Love

It occurs, above all, in long-term relationships, once the couple is established and lives together. They have already overcome that problematic stage and have decided what is the best way to resolve conflicts successfully.

However, a decrease in sexual desire occurs, and special care must be taken with unresolved problems and other external agents.

Is there a secret to keeping our relationship healthy? Of course… work it day by day.

Big changes in the couple: the first child

In addition to the phases of falling in love, shocks also occur in certain life situations that are felt intensely, such as the arrival of the first child.

Surely you’ve heard about couples who have changed a lot after having a baby, and you may even harbor a certain fear that it will happen to you.

And, in general, there are certain changes in the couple that you can expect at the time of the birth of a baby, but they are not impossible to solve, far from it.

Changes after birth

• Change in the couple’s relationship: suddenly, a new individual appears with endless needs, who becomes the center of both of their lives. This can affect the couple’s goals, whether individual or shared. The solution is allowing yourself to feel emotions considered negative (anger, frustration, etc.).
• Sometimes, your partner is unbearable for you: the frequency and intensity of conflicts as a couple increase during the first 3 years of the baby’s life. In this case, the idea is to reconnect, get to know each other again.
• Work increases exponentially: it is normal for work at home to skyrocket, especially in the first months. If you can ask for some extra help, do it. Additionally, you must remember to encourage and appreciate the efforts of others.
• Relationships with other family members: if there has already been friction with one’s family (or both), they can become very complicated to manage, especially regarding the presence in your lives or the decisions about what affects the baby. The only way to deal with this is to form a united front, establishing clear boundaries that you have previously agreed upon.
• Worsening of sexual life: in most couples, an important change occurs in sexual life, since both the frequency and rhythm are reduced of the meetings. However, these changes in the couple are temporary, and sooner or later everything will return to normal, the only thing necessary is to have patience and understanding.
• Time for the couple: many people confuse family time with couple time. You should always reserve some space to spend time together, do things that you like or that are simply just for you.
• Baby education: it is likely that, even though you have talked about how you are going to educate your baby, you will end up arguing at some point. Despite everything, you have togive yourself some room to make mistakes and try different ways until one seems right to both of you.

Are there differences between father and mother?

If we want to summarize and be honest, the answer is yes.

Parents

Parents have a very strong emotional burden since, as they do not go through the pregnancy stage, there is no prior connection with the baby, and this connection appears suddenly in the moment of birth. It is important to maintain very clear and honest communication between the members of the couple during pregnancy, to try to mitigate this “blow of reality” as much as possible. It is more common for parents to feel lost and/or overwhelmed by the situation.

Some of the most common feelings in new parents are:

• He feels displaced : since the mother dedicates all her time to the baby, the father may perceive that he no longer receives attention from his partner. < /li>
• Lengthens working days: it is not only the usual work, but also the redistribution of household tasks, which normally involve more fatigue and stress .

Mothers

Mothers, for their part, continue to suffer hormonal alterations after childbirth and it is common for them to show irritability or nervousness for a while, until the levels are readjusted. In addition, mothers can suffer from postpartum depression, more common in first-time mothers, and need a lot of support and understanding from their partner.

Some of the most common sensations for primiparas are:

• Overwhelming fatigue: after the last trimester and childbirth, an adaptation effort is also required.
• Saturation: since they feel that most of the responsibility for caring for the baby falls on them, they become easily saturated and stressed.
• Sense of loneliness: they feel misunderstood by their partner.

And the positive part?

Although we have talked at length about the complications involved in bringing a life into the world from the couple’s point of view, there are also a series of very positive changes in the couple, with which the couple comes out stronger:

• Greater union: in addition to sharing life, now you share a little piece of each other.
• Increased commitment: thanks to the joint responsibility of the child.
• More love: When you see your partner taking care of the baby, you tend to momentarily return to that first phase of falling in love that we were talking about.

In general, having a child is a totally enriching experience for a couple, as long as they know how to manage it and there is a clear basis of trust, communication and empathy.

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